The Art of Breaking

 

            The Art of Breaking is a song by a Christian band called Thousand Foot Krutch from 2005. It talks about being in a manipulative, toxic, hurtful relationship and trying to break free from it. Jesus tells us in the gospel of John, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” ^{[John 13:34 NIV]}

            The sad truth of the matter is that there are times when a Christian spouse may be the toxic person. For believers, the art of breaking is not “breaking free” of the relationship, but rather “breaking free” of the toxic cycle. If we’re talking about an engaged couple it would depend on a few factors which would determine the “breaking”. A new couple just dating should consider either discussing the issue or walk the other way. A long term couple prior to being engaged could discuss the issue or if there are plans of marriage, seek Christian counseling. If the guilty party refuses counseling and will not change, splitting up should be seriously considered. Making a lifetime commitment to someone who is manipulative and hurtful is very unhealthy to the recipient. If you feel certain you can change the toxic person (which you can’t), then you are only fooling yourself. In that case you’re going to need to strap yourself in because it will be a very bumpy ride. 

            A lot depends on how much you love the hurtful person. Ask yourself these two all important questions: What do you like / love about the toxic person and what don’t you like / love about the toxic person? Make a list. Write it down on paper. Pray over it. Any red flags?? Understand something, you WILL NOT change that person without God’s intervention and that only if the guilty party is willing to make some behavioral changes. I personally know someone who thinks there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with the hurtful way they treat their spouse ... end of story. Any discussion ends in a fight. 

            I don’t like divorce. It’s a dirty business. Improper behavior can lead to divorce. Working things out is preferable. If only one person in the marriage has a desire to work it out, then the marriage could potentially be over. Prayer is needed. Much prayer. 

            The Art of Breaking from a manipulative, toxic, hurtful relationship, no matter what level of involvement exists, needs to be determined to make that break or status quo will be your result. 

            Some people feel trapped in that type of relationship with no way out. Both parties need the other’s resources to survive, therefore the toxic person, whether consciously or unconsciously, has the upper hand. The victim in this scenario must pray their way thru it

or the feeling of being trapped can become overwhelming. It is imperative that you love the toxic person the way Christ loves them and treat them as you wished they would treat you. Whether they person changes over time or not, you will be the winner because you went about things God’s Way. 

            Until next time, walk with the King and be a blessing.

In His Name & for His Glory,

RL Keller

Bread of Life Ministries